Re-posted - sorry if you've already read this one...
Last week we had a baby shower for a friend at work who is nearing her big day. Many of us who are moms at the office have children that are almost grown and some of us have adult children. Watching her baby belly grow has made me nostalgic for my own pregnancies and the days when my babies were born. We’ve all been sharing our own delivery stories at work and I’m hoping we haven’t scared her! We are all only too happy to talk about how our own experiences without thinking about how this might frighten this first time mother. Most everyone focuses on how hard the delivery is… “my labor lasted 14 hours and then I had to have a C-section anyway!” “My wife was in labor for over 20 hours, the doctor waited too long to give the epidural and so it didn’t help!” Poor thing hears stories like this every time the subject comes up, and given how she’s blossomed lately – it’s a lot!
I guess it’s a rite of passage we have to go through because I remember people doing the same to me. As soon as people found out that I was having twins, they would tell me about their daughter who was pregnant with twins but went into labor early so the babies didn’t survive or another woman whose sister had boy and girl twins but the boy didn’t survive. These people were obviously still in pain about what had happened to them so I tried not to hold it against them for scaring me and making me worry about what might happen.
What I don’t hear people telling this soon-to-be mama is how hard it is being a parent beyond the delivery. As far as I know, no one has told her about how you spend the first 18 years of your child’s life protecting and teaching him only to then let him go off on his own so that he can learn how to be an adult. My mother would say things to me like “no matter how old you get, you’ll always be my baby.” I would roll my eyes and say ”I know, Mom.” But I didn’t know then. I know now. No matter how old your children get, you NEVER stop worrying about them or trying to protect them. We made it through teething and temper tantrums, chicken pox and broken bones, science projects and overdue homework. All that was a piece of cake compared to what they grapple with as young adults. You raise your children to be independent, responsible people, but when they face adult dilemmas - you just want to fix everything for them. The hard part is that you can’t.
Ron and I admittedly spoiled our girls. For my part, I wanted to give them everything I didn’t have as a child. Daddy just didn’t like to say “no.” We wanted to make things as easy as possible for them. I don’t know if that was right or wrong but it’s what we did. Personally, I think they have all grown into amazing human beings. It goes without saying that I love my daughters, but I can also honestly say that I really LIKE them as well. Each of our daughters is a well adjusted, reasonable human being with political and global awareness and a social conscience. Unfortunately, they are not immune to the woes of adulthood and the horrible things that can happen in the world. Nor can I protect them from broken hearts or the personal trials and tragedies they may someday face. I can offer advice and help them make sound decisions, but then I have to close my mouth and let them decide. That can be painfully difficult. Letting go is just so hard for me on so many levels.
So, to my darling daughters (who are adults but who will always be my babies no matter how old they get), remember that Dad and I are here for you to help anyway we can for whatever you may need....always!
And to my friend who is about to start a new chapter in her life, I hope we haven't frightened you. This is the most exciting time in your life - enjoy every moment and remember that the rewards of parenthood far outweigh the demands.
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