Roller Skates

I have been spending a lot of time simplifying my life lately. This means cleaning out drawers, closets, bookshelves, rooms...getting rid of things that I don't need. I have FOREVER been a collector of all kinds of STUFF. Recently, though, I have decided that it's time to downsize, minimize, make my life easier, simpler...less... Local non-profit agencies have been reaping the benefits of my downsizing.

It's very easy to get sentimental about many of the things I am letting go. We moved into this house on Valentine's Day, 2001. Lots of memories, memorabilia, photographs have piled up here along with boxes and bins and bags of "things." So much to sort through! Of course I am saving essentials  - special baby clothes, important books, photos...I haven't totally lost my mind...I might even keep my wedding dress...I haven't decided yet. I did find a place to save the favors from our senior prom - wine glasses with "Here Comes the Sun" printed on them - yes, that was the theme of our prom. Why would I keep those and not the wedding dress? Less space? Like I said, I haven't decided on the wedding dress, yet.

The title of this blog will be changing in the near future.  It will go from "Tales from an (Almost) Empty Nest" to "Tales from an Empty Nest." As the very last chick makes her way from the nest, I am trying to encourage her take whatever she wants...PLEASE! Of course she will take her things, but I don't think she wants any of my junk - even the the "good" stuff. Oh well, it was worth a try. So, there will be more  sorting, stacking, boxing and donating.

I'll bet you are still wondering about the title and photo of this particular blog post - "Roller Skates." Well, here's the story. I turned 40 years old in this house a little over a year after we moved in. It was a great party. On that day, the doorbell rang several times and each time another one of my cousins from Texas or Oregon appeared. It was so overwhelming and WONDERFUL! Of course there were funny gifts like a big purple sun hat, a house dress, Polygrip and a denture cup...there were also flowers and other lovely gifts.

A significant gift came from my eldest daughter, jb. 10 years ago, the shoe company, Skechers had come out with a line of roller skates and I REALLY wanted a pair. In-line skates were all the rage at the time, but I wanted regular roller skates that I could wear and use. These were sneakers with red wheels on them! They had the toe stops and safety features and white shoe laces...I was in love! As I began to put them on, my daughter was HORRIFIED! "MOM...NO! These are a symbol of your YOUTH! You aren't supposed to USE them! They are a SYMBOL!" Are you kidding me?! I had been coveting these skates for months...I really did want them. So I put them them on and my family watched nervously as Ron helped me wobble down the driveway and onto the street. He let me go and off I went....Here is the photographic evidence that this event really occurred...

There is clearly a big smile on my face...it was exhilarating and fun, freeing and ABSOLUTELY FRIGHTENING! I did NOT fall down and hurt myself. And once I took the skates off that day, I NEVER put them on again. Since that day, they had been in the garage living in the bin with volley balls, softballs and other sports equipment that the girls used and I did not. Someone else owns them now, I hope! Someone who can zip around sidewalks and streets with confidence and skill. They were beautiful and for a few moments, gave me a thrill. But the bottom line, they were just a symbol of my youth...10 years later at 50 it was pretty easy to let them go. 

My Rose

My Rose

Technically, Mandi is my middle child because she is one minute older than her twin sister. Her full name is Amanda Elizabeth. Yes, we did name her for the Barry Manilow song - it's a beautiful song and I'm not embarrassed to admit that's where we got her name. I don't think Mandi was ever impressed by that story and in an effort to distance herself from the whole Barry Manilow thing, she changed the spelling of her name from Mandy with a "y" to Mandi with an "i." She has been my "Rose" since she was a little girl as she used to love all things pink and roses.

Today my middle child is off on a new adventure. At this moment she is on a plane on her way to New York City. She is going to be living with her sister jb indefinitely or at least until she decides where to go to graduate school next year. I am absolutely in awe of her bravery to move away from almost everything she knows to experience a different kind of life. I'm trying very hard not to be a mother hen and worry about her, but it's not in my nature NOT to worry.

Instead of worrying, I need to remind to myself that this is the intelligent, resourceful young woman who is a college grad, who worked and lived on her own in Santa Barbara, who traveled to Honduras, and who has completed a half marathon and other races. She also has persevered in spite of being the younger sister of a bona fide  force of nature and the twin of  a free spirited and sometime explosive creative soul. She is every bit a force of nature, free spirited and creative as her sisters, but just more quiet about it.

A lesser person might have gotten lost in the shuffle between these two powerful siblings, an overprotective mother and a dad who knows everything.  Not my Rose. She is flourishing and thriving. In a quiet moment of doubt, she asked me if I thought she was crazy for moving to New York. No, I said. Not crazy at all...BRAVE! I wish I was as fearless as any one of my daughters. I'm glad that she is confident enough to start this new chapter in her life. The little girl who used to hide behind my legs and who used to be afraid of moving up to the next grade in school is flying to New York...

I am so PROUD...a little bit worried...and very grateful that she will be with her big sister. Mostly, I am proud. I love you, Mandi.

Don't forget to call your mother. 

Name change?

I am thinking of changing the title of this blog to "Tales from Ron & Laura's Bed & Breakfast - Storage Facility and other adventures..." Doesn't sound quite right, does it? Our nest isn't quite empty right now but it's not full either. Neither Beckie nor Mandi have a different primary address at the moment, but neither spend much actual time here. This is another transitionary period for them and Beeson B & B is just a place to land on the way to their next adventure.

So now I am adjusting to having two of them home, but in a different way. The garage is full of storage boxes filled with their childhood, high school and college mementos and odds and ends of furniture from college apartments. Thanks to a couple weekends of intense cleaning, sorting and donating and my incredible organizational skills, we are still able to park one car inside.

The hardest part of all of this and what I struggle with the

most is how to be the mother of adult children - how to NOT give advice, lecture, ask what their plans are or show too much concern. My tongue is pierced from the repeated times I have bitten it to keep from telling them to "be careful" or to tell them how worried I am about their travel plans. Even so, I have slipped MANY times and said more than I should have. Once it's out there, you can't take it back and believe me when I tell you that they will never forget it.

It's all about the letting go. I have said it before and I'll say it again - letting go has been the hardest part of parenting for me. I am not good at it - AT ALL. It's difficult when your children don't need you to kiss their bumps and bruises anymore, although when they have problems these days, it's a little more complicated than that. For now I have to settle for being their soft place to land when they ask for it and not when I think they need it.

Our storage capacity is just about full but there is one room vacant at the Beeson Bed & Breakfast. Any takers?

Adjusting to the empty nest...AGAIN!!!

Someone failed to mention to me before I had children, that being a parent would mean enduring a lifetime of "letting go." Just when I thought that I had it all figured out and had adjusted to my girls being grown and out of the house, I find myself back at the beginning again. No, that's not quite true. I do have more experience with the letting go now so it doesn't hurt quite as much...sort of...

At least now I can look beyond my feelings of loss and focus on how much I admire the strong, independent women that my daughters have become. They are each doing something in their lives that I was never strong enough or brave enough to even attempt. I am proud for whatever part Ron and I had in helping them to become the intelligent, confident and adventurous people they are. It would be selfish on my part to dwell on how much I miss them. I have decided instead to live vicariously through them. I will still worry about them because I am their mother and that's what I do, but I will also delight in their experiences and marvel at their determination.

Today while my youngest is flying to South Africa for a 3 month stay, I refuse to be my normal "Nervous Nelly" self. Instead I am happy for her and proud of her for doing what she has wanted to do for so long. I am also very grateful that she is traveling with someone who loves her and will help to keep her safe. (Thanks, Branden!) So, no tears today...just excitement...but between you and me, I will be relieved when 3 months from now she is back home telling me stories about her adventures in South Africa.

Bon Voyage, Beckie! I love you!

I don't mean to complain...

Apparently, it takes me just over two weeks to start missing my girls. Since they were all home over the holidays, I was happy to be able to spend some individual time with each of them. I am certainly a bit biased when I tell you that they are amazing people and I am proud to have had even a little bit to do with the way they have turned out. I’m sure I would like them even if they weren’t my kids! Mandi went back to Santa Barbara on December 28th and then on the 30th Jenn flew back to DC and Beckie drove back to SB.

So, here we are, half way through January, and I‘ve been feeling crummy all week. This is partly because I tweaked my back during a CPR/first aid training last weekend, and (I figured this out just now), because I miss my girls. I know this from the little pangs I get when I call one of them and she doesn’t answer or when I do get one of them on the line and she isn’t able to talk for very long.

Honestly, I am past the point of needing them to live in my house. In fact, I have started to enjoy the fact that when I choose to clean house, it stays clean. (Except when Baby Hurricane aka Wild Thing comes for a sleepover). And sometimes, it’s kind of nice to have the place to ourselves. What’s the best thing about having an empty nest? Why, naked breakfast, naked lunch and naked dinner, of course! Right about now, the girls would be saying “Eeeeewwwwwwwww!” I’m just kidding, though. We only have naked breakfast on the weekends!

Anyway, I MISS my daughters. I miss seeing their beautiful faces and hearing their sweet voices. I miss going shopping and going to the movies and having late night talks and playing Scrabble and drinking coffee…together. I don’t want them to feel badly; I’m just being honest and saying what IS. Before they came into the world I had no idea that I would love anyone so much and I had no idea how much it would hurt to be away from them. It’s so strange to be the parent of adult children. I find it much harder that when they were young and living at home.

(Deep Sigh)

I really don’t mean to complain. I guess I am still adjusting. I am grateful that I did have that time with them over the holidays and I’m fortunate that they still call home and visit when they can. I’ll get used it all one of these days…right?

Thankful

Ron and I have entered a new phase in our “empty-nest-hood.” Our nest has been empty since the Fall of 2006, but this is the first time we ever have been alone on this holiday. Even before we had children, we shared this holiday with family. Our daughters were home at the end of October for our Hallow-giving meal, since we all knew that we wouldn’t be together on Thanksgiving. We knew this day was coming.

Don’t feel sorry for us, though. I’m doing enough of that for us. It’s really not a BIG deal, I guess. It’s just another day. And it’s not that we didn’t receive invitations to go elsewhere, (Thanks, Deb and Kubby!) I’m not sure that I would have been very good company because I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow. So we are going to go to a local restaurant and then spend the rest of the day at the movie theater.

This didn’t all hit me until the girls started calling me for recipes last night and this morning. They will be spending the holiday with the families of their significant others and will be contributing to their meals. I’m glad they will have something to take with them.

At Thanksgiving it is a Beeson Family tradition to go around the table before we eat our meal and tell each other what we are thankful for that year. Everyone says something profound and touching and then we get to Dad who will say something funny to lighten the mood. I am usually the last to speak and almost always get choked up and have to clear my throat and dab my eyes. Then we have a toast and dig in. Since we won’t all be seated around the table tomorrow I will use this moment to say what I am thankful for this year –

I am thankful that Ron and I are both gainfully employed. REALLY thankful for my new job!

I am thankful for friends old and new and family who accept me for the cuckoo I am. You know who you are!

I am thankful for my brilliant, beautiful (inside and out) children who are out there making a difference in the world. I am grateful that they are with good people that really seem to appreciate and love them. I am so thankful that they still like to come home. I really am thankful for my webcam and Skype and all the technology that allows me to stay in touch with my girls.

I am thankful for my Baby Hurricane and all the joy and laughter he brings to our lives.

Most of all, I am thankful for my husband and best friend who has loved and supported me through more drama, ups and downs than a guy should have to deal with in a lifetime! We have a good life and really nothing to complain about...

Yes, I am thankful!

About a boy...

Three years ago today, I was a witness to the arrival of the beautiful baby boy known here as Baby Hurricane. For those who don’t know the story – a little background. This little boy came into my life just a couple weeks after Ron and I left our youngest daughters for their freshman year in college. I can’t begin to express how difficult it was for me when our girls went to school - Jenn in 2004 and then Mandi & Beckie in 2006. Let me be clear about something…our girls were NEVER given the choice about whether they would go to college or not – they were going! It was part of our parenting mantra to them…”When you go to college...” “When you live in the dorm…” “When you choose your major..." "When you graduate…” Always WHEN – never IF. So, they went. I wanted that for them with all my heart, but I also wanted to have them close by for me. They were all accepted into a great school that happened to be a 5 hour drive away. I still remember those trips back home from Santa Barbara - Ron trying to comfort me as he drove (nothing makes him more upset than seeing me cry). I felt broken. It was as if there was a big hole right in the center of my being.

And then came Viliamu Keopulani Baker-Kline, my precious little Hawaiian-Samoan-Mexican-Irish savior! I had been lucky enough to be at every doctor appointment with his mama while she was carrying him. She always thanked me for going with her as if I was doing her a huge favor. The truth was that she was giving me a gift that I would never be able to repay. I was so thrilled when she asked me to be in the delivery room for his birth. Aside from the births of my own children, watching Viliamu emerge into the world and take his first breath was the most amazing moment of my life. On October 16, 2006, Viliamu was born and I fell completely and helplessly in love. He has been like medicine for me!

Over the last 3 years, we have gotten to have him over on Sundays and for occasional sleepovers. It is such great fun! I must sound like a grandmother or auntie when talking about him, (far too young to be a granny), but he is the most terrific boy I know! He is a beautiful, energetic, loving, energetic, intelligent, energetic, charming, mischievous, and hilariously funny child. Oh and did I mention, energetic? I have found this baby boy to be amazingly different than my girls. I've also determined that "boy" toys are much more fun to play with than are "girl" toys. Now that he's 3 years old, we have really interesting conversations on a wide variety of subjects - he teaches me something new every time I see him. The most surprising thing about this boy is how attached he and his "Buddy" (Ron) are to each other - two peas in a pod. We've even been through the flu together - someday I'll write about the week that we had him when his mom was out of town and all three of us got soooo sick! Maybe that's when Buddy and Baby bonded. All I know is that they "get" each other in a way that I don't - it's got to be a boy thing.

Watching him blow out his #3 candle on his chocolate birthday cake tonight, it occurred to me that I have been there for his birth and every birthday since. I can't imagine not being there for him because he has been there for us. So, thank you, Baby Hurricane, for all the splashing in the bathtub and fingerprints on the sliding glass door and toy cars & trucks all over the floor and sticky kisses and peanut butter & jelly hugs, sidewalk chalk handprints on the walls and all the fun and love and joy that you have brought into our lives. I still miss my girls every day and sometimes, so much that it hurts, but having you in our lives has taken the worst of the "empty" out of our nest.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Viliamu! I love you!