Friday, October 2, 2009

"Make new friends, but keep the old...."

I work in the non-profit sector. It’s challenging in many ways, but I can’t imagine doing anything else. I have recently gone through a major change in my professional career. Without going into specifics, I will just say that I went from having an enormous amount of responsibility in an administrative position at one agency to returning to direct services with considerably less responsibility at another agency. It was a change in job titles, but more importantly, stress level. In almost every way I can think of, the change has been the best thing in the world for me. I have really fallen for my new job, the agency and my new co-workers and friends – in fact, I regularly compare to whole experience to falling into a pot of honey. I find myself exhausted at the end of the work day, but mostly in a good way.

When this new opportunity came my way, I struggled with equal parts of excitement and dread. The excitement was all about getting back to what I loved and starting over someplace new. The hardest thing about the entire situation, the dread, had to do with leaving behind staff, co-workers, friends and the people that we served. HUGE AMOUNTS OF GUILT. I still feel that guilt. Not only that, but I miss them. I don’t call them like I should or even email them because it feels awkward. On some level, I feel I deserted them. Hopefully, time will take care of that.

The bottom line is that I don’t think I was cut out for primarily administrative work. I’m much happier now that I’m back working one on one with people. I get to play at work again – it means so much to me. Ron doesn’t get that worried look on his face when he asks me how my day was. When my daughters call me and ask how I am, I can honestly answer, “Great!” I look forward to going to work every day. Generally, I’m in much better spirits, my blood pressure is closer to normal, I’m sleeping better, and enjoying the weekends again. It’s so good. It’s hard to admit that I was selfish and did what I needed to do for ME . . . I just hope that I haven’t lost my old friends in the process…

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